If you are wondering what the above stands for, it is Friends That Never Write First. I just wanted to pretend to be more complicated, mysterious and post-current than I am so I used a fancy code like name to deceive my poor readers into believing my fake persona. As the title suggests (though it could also suggest Fuck the Never-ending World Fighting or Furiously Toxic Non Whipped Frappuccinos equally the same), this post is about FRIENDS. No, not the show which I have never watched while everyone was in love with Rachel (maybe that is why I never wanted to visit New York). This is more about those little twisted attachment strings that we all cast on unsuspecting individuals in order to feel appreciated. Because to love and to be loved is a thing (right?) and no one wants to sit alone at a dinner table rushing all the food down the throat with a high chance of choking on it because there was no one to converse with. And yes, that means there would also be NO FRIEND to help you!!!!
Imagine the line on your tomb ‘Died choking on a noodle, had no friends, no one is mourning’. Mate, that is just sad.. Worse than getting run over hunting Pokemons in the middle of the street because at least you had a chance of running into a like-minded individual that could be befriended before you died. No no no… I COULD NOT bear that kind of humiliation as an individual trying so hard to fit in somewhere in this society. I have to be validated and feel fulfilled so I HAVE TO HAVE FRIENDS!!! And I have to keep those few unlucky creatures that somehow got tangled up in my net closer than I keep my enemies by reminding them of our FRIENDSHIP! Over and over.. over and over.. over and over again.
So hey, it’s been a while? How have you been? How is love/studies/college/travels/auditions/work/experience/clubbing/drinking/sex/shit going? I feel like we need to catch up so how about we get a drink? Not that because I REALLY care how all of it is going or if you are alive but you know, I can at least show off my social life is not totally 9gag, Games of Thrones and stalking myself on Instagram which is basically non-existent? Oh I also stalk Alexa Chung but damn she is so cool because she has FRIENDS. And they are all probably as cool as her or at least handsome… Thus the little vain girl in me (not again) wants to be cool.. So yeah I could write my friend Anna because she looks a bit like Gigi Hadid and Natalie Dormer combined.. Yeah we would look dead fashionable together like proper IT girls so I should definitely text her.. Oh and I have to keep my Kakao Talk friends in South Korea in line because you know in case I ever go there again, it is SO HANDY to know a local person not to look like a loser. Bonus they can read Korean and order my food when I want it. And I won’t have to pay for a hotel so yeah I TRULY CARE IF THEY PASSED THEIR EXAMS THIS SUMMER OR NOT. WAIT WERE THEY EVEN IN SUMMER? OR DECEMBER? AGH… I GIVE UP…
And then I stopped texting everyone first and F.T.N.W.F. happened. How dare they not to care about me??!!! I am such a valuable addition to the dinner table.. What a joke.. This is clearly going to be my epitaph:
“Choked on a noodle, had no friends, selfish bitch so obviously no one is mourning”