Today is not even Monday but it is THE day! The day to get my life sorted once and for all (and yes I say this everyday) and what is the best way to do it? SORT YOUR HAIR OUT! Because new hair is new you and new you is new life! Every self-respecting woman knows that! It is drilled in your head (or hair) from when you were wearing the first ribbon on the three strands of hair you had!!! Didn’t you feel pretty? Like a princess with a proper updo! Waiting for hair and you to grow up so that you could be BEAUTIFUL!!!
Later you noticed that once every Hollywood heroine got cheated on by her loser love of life, she gathered her courage to CHANGE her life for the better. And what did she do? Got rid of the boyfriend but only after she had her hair done!!! And then there was the Victoria Secret’s Model hair craze that sucked everyone including you in.. And it became apparent that no one would ever take you seriously as a woman if you did not own at least three hair styling devices (with heat please!) for those SOFT BOUNCY BEACH BABE WAVES.
Yesterday I was more of a joke than a woman, but today I am so close to the dream!I own two and I repeat TWO hair styling devices!!! Hip hip hooray!!!! I own a curling wand!!!! A bloody curling wand so that I can finally look like an angel!!! Like a dream! Or a successful desired woman who will have everything/everyone falling under her feet whenever she strokes those SOFT BOUNCY CURLS!!! Sister, please hurry up so that we can finally look like brunette versions of Mary Kate and Ashley and be in the next league of appeal!!! Heat that bloody thing up, just how long does it take? I have no patience, I want my hair, I want my dream, I want my life, I want it NOW!!!!!
Wow wow wow.. not so fast says the flashing red light of the wand in my face. No curls happening. But I held it for those bloody 8 seconds!!! Okay, Youtube will be my saviour.. Have to trust the tried and time-tested wisdom of Youtube gurus. ‘That is the look, this is how you achieve them. Just practise with the wand and you will have those SOFT BOUNCY CURLS in no time”. You have to practise????!!! I am in tears, I am totally devastated. This thing is just mocking me with its bloody RED light. “You can’t even curl your hair properly, ha ha ha, what else do you think you can achieve if you can’t even get a curl right? Your life? Really? Here, sweetheart, burn your forehead with my heat”.
Aftermath of chasing my dream: burnt forehead, straight hair with split ends that resembles Pete Doherty not Gigi Hadid,half a day wasted on useless tutorials ( how can you not get curling for dummies?!) and my womanhood destroyed. Well the wand was on sale so maybe it is still not too late to fix things? By getting another one? Wasting more of my money? Practising until I develop arm muscles bigger than that of a tennis player? Practise till my hair falls out? Practise for the change in me??
Practice makes perfect.