Lily’s version of 50 things that piss me off

I went out today and got very inspired to write this beautiful piece of work you are about to read. No time to waste here as I am drinking my coffee looking like a hip (hypocritical) writer of some yet to be published undiscovered  but amazing magazine so here are the results of me failing to avoid the public:

  1. People. This category deserves number 1 spot, though I agree it is too generic so I will narrow it down in the numbers to follow.
  2. People who stop in the middle of the road to stare at something.
  3. People who think their black clothes stand out from the crowd.
  4. People who think that they are the best thing that happened to this planet.
  5. Anybody in Soho or Shoreditch.
  6. Everyone on Oxford and Regent streets. Especially on weekends.
  7. Did I forget Carnaby Street? On weekends?
  8. Girls with that overglorified beach waves hairstyle. Why? Because I am still incapable of mastering it (far from the mastery).
  9. Shopping malls. On weekends!!!!
  10. Shopping. On weekends. On Oxford or Regent Streets.
  11. Starbucks baristas that spell my 4 letter name wrong.
  12. Flip-flops.
  13. Fashion weeks.
  14. Transport prices for trains that stop at the red signal every time I need to make something in my life on time.
  15. I think weekends deserve their own spot.
  16. People who think money can’t buy happiness.
  17. People who think money can buy happiness.
  18. Social norms that expect you to communicate with people to kill 5 minutes of otherwise awkward time which will be awkward anyway.
  19. So called friend gatherings only for the sake of showing off your achievements/other half/wealth/parents/white teeth or expensive black clothes (unique!).
  20. Cover letters.
  21. Friends who never call you first.
  22. Friends who don’t even reply after you contact them.
  23. Friends who only reply when they need something from you.
  24. Friends (the show).
  25. Gender roles.
  26. Homophobes.
  27. People who feel like they cannot function without being in a relationship.
  28. Annual seal hunt in countries who practise it.
  29. Chinese laws that require cosmetics industry to test products on animals in order to be sold in mainland China.
  30. Facebook newsfeed.
  31. Twitter.
  32. That message on every video I want to watch that says that the video is only accessible for viewers from a certain region.
  33. Adverts that I cannot skip or at least fast forward.
  34. People who point out the obvious.
  35. People who ask questions that have obvious answers.
  36. People who try to get on a train even though it is fully packed and they know the doors will not close.
  37. Taking the tube on a hot summer day.
  38. Summer in the city without any access to the beach (fake ones in Camden don’t count).
  39. People who tell me to smile more.
  40. People who try to see if their lame hook-up lines work on me.
  41. People who try to see if their lame hook-up lines work on anyone else.
  42. Gossips.
  43. Small print that explains how everything in the big print is a lie.
  44. Any new food craze. Especially if it originates in New York or Australia.
  45. Overrated travel destinations.
  46. Smart phones taking over the normal conversation at dinner table.
  47. People who think that trying to look attractive is always attractive.
  48. People who offer me salad for the main meal when they learn I am vegan.
  49. People who are too fanatic about anything.
  50. My sudden wish to go to NY when I  have never wanted to visit another London like hell-hole (see nr.45).

That is all for today. I think I will order another coffee now with quadruple amount of sugar.

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4 thoughts on “Lily’s version of 50 things that piss me off

  1. OK here goes:

    People that are employed by the store to greet you i.e. complete strangers in your face waving their arms shouting “HELLO HOW ARE YOU NICE TO MEET YOU!” and when you do your level best to avoid them think they can try and waylay you on the way out “GOODBYE NICE TO SEE YOU COME AGAIN!”. And despite the fact this is clearly making you uncomfortable keep on trying to do it.
    People that never listen because they are convinced, without even hearing you first, that they know better than you.
    People that don’t check their facts first but jump to conclusions because they are convinced their guesswork is second to none.
    Security staff in shops that follow you around because you’re wearing a leather jacket and behave strangely therefore you must be a store thief.
    People at bus stops that have been stood there for ages but wait until the bus is actually there before burrowing into whatever bags they have getting their change/bus pass ready to give the driver causing interminable delays.
    People at checkout tills that do the same as above. and taking ages and making everyone in the queue wait for them to pack their shopping away all neatly before paying the check out person. Sometimes I feel like saying “Do you mind getting a move on, I have a bus to catch tomorrow.”
    People on those moving walkways who immediately stop dead as soon as they step foot on it, preventing anyone else from getting past.
    People that go through traffic lights even when they are on red.
    Cyclists that think pavements are for cyclists.

    That’ll do for now. I’ll probably think of a few more later on, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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